I Still Don’t Get It

When sharing things I don’t get I could go on forever. Or at least for a long time. I hear this in the press box at the start of a Mariners game. But we ALL hear it often pertaining to any weather report.

At the start of the game, right after the first pitch the press box PA guy gives us several VITAL bits of information. I can only assume that our listeners and, readers would melt like the Wicked Witch of the West without this data. We are told right after the first pitch the exact time, temperature and wind strength and direction. How this is delivered is slightly more intriguing than the info itself. Today, Sunday we were told:

“First pitch time 1:12, that’s one one two”

“Temperature 56 degrees, that’s five six”

“Winds are calm” This is NOT followed by “that’s zero miles per hour”.

I am not going to belabor the number repeats on the time and temp. Unless the game is real late or real early and the day is real hot or cold nobody really cares. And I know at the bottom of box scores this vital data is provided. It is as necessary as umpire names

But help me understand the wind reports. I know it is important. The wind blowing out in any ball park makes a difference. But “calm”? what does it mean when we are told winds are calm? I will tell you what it means.

It means there is NO WIND! If the wind is not blowing, it is NOT calm, there is no wind! If the noise is so soft you can’t hear it, the nose is not soft or quiet. There is no noise!

There is no such thing as calm winds. There is wind and there is no wind! It’s just one more thing I don’t get.

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I Still Don’t Get It

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