Can’t Choose Without a Program

The presidential campaign is really heating up, right? The always dramatic Iowa caucus is Feb 1, only 84 days away. Almost everything that happens in Iowa is dramatic and this caucus business is no exception. Then, it is a mere ONE YEAR until the actual election, November 8, 2016.

So here is your November, 2015 edition of the Presidential Candidates Program. You won’t get a lot of information here, but then how much more can you really stand? The best feature of this particular “program” is that it is free. And it is worth every penny.

Jeb Bush Jeb’s name is John Ellis, get it? JEB. Clever I think. Jeb got his undergad degree in Latin American Studies, which should help him understand Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio, maybe. His healthcare plan that would repeal Obamacare and replace it with new health insurance tax credits. The several million currently insured under Obamacare who pay little or no income tax could use those tax credits as wall paper or cocktail napkins.

Ben Carson A psychology major he stated that the Affordable Care Act was “worse than slavery” I guess Carson has extensive slavery related expertise derived from his psychology studies. He is also big on guns reducing most violence. Had Jews NOT been disarmed (they weren’t until the 40’s) they may have better resisted the Nazis, Carson contends. The Republican candidate also has said that arming teachers could help prevent shootings. “Whether it’s a kindergarten teacher who is well-trained or a retired policeman or someone who can stop the carnage, I think it makes sense.” Ummm what part of arming kindergarten teachers makes sense?

Ted Cruz A public policy major he has used his academic background to threaten to shut down the government AND actually did shut down the government. Making sure nothing is accomplished has been very good for Cruz’s political career. NOT born in the United States, his mother was American so Cruz became kind of a reverse anchor baby. The good citizens of Calgary, Cruz’s birth place are thrilled with his American and Texas citizenship. As it provides loan guarantees for U.S. exporters and ultimately jobs and helps our balance of trade, Cruz opposes everything about the Export-Import Bank. He currently gets his family’s health insurance via the Affordable Care Act but that doesn’t mean he likes it. He has not weighed in yet regarding a wall on the Canadian border to keep his relatives from Alberta out.

Mike Huckabee A religion major, Huckabee favors eliminating the current income tax and replacing it with a 23% sales tax. Of course this would be a HUGE tax increase to over half the workers in the country. Sounds like a solid idea. He also strongly favors creating a unified Jerusalem. Since he hopes to be leader of The United States I assume he is referring to either Jerusalem, New York, Arkansas or Ohio. I am ashamed to admit I had no idea these Jerusalem’s were not currently unified.

Marco Rubio Another political science major who is aroused with the thought of eliminating the Affordable Care Act. He also likes the tax credit idea. Not sure what 75% of the people in the US would do with those tax credits but it must be a good idea if so many GOP types support it. Maybe the tax credits could be used to pay off credit card balances.

Carly Fiorina She got her undergraduate degree in medieval history and philosophy. Her lack of experience in elected office should alarm nobody. With No experience at all leading a major corporation Fiorina was named CEO of Hewlett-Packard in 1999. How did she do? Well, let’s be objective. In 2005 the day she was fired the stock jumped 10% on the news. But that doesn’t mean she did not do a great job. It just meant all the stock holders were thrilled with her departure. As someone who has never served in the government/political sector and failed badly in the private sector she could be a perfect president.

Donald Trump An economy major he used his education to limit his number of multi million dollar bankruptcies to four. His first investment, an apartment building in Ohio was purchased in 1962 for $5.7 million. He sold it in 1972 for $6,7 million, a ten-year return of 17%. That brilliance falls short of the returns on the average wage earner’s 401K. He is committed to build a wall around Carly Fiorina’s face which he feels attracts Mexicans. I might be confused but I think that is what he intends.He is Presbyterian, a religion Trump states is “right down the middle”, which comes in handy on narrow fairways.

Bernie Sanders Yet another political science major who has by himself increased public awareness of Larry David 100 fold in a couple of months. He labels himself a “democratic socialist”. Nobody understands either of those terms. Together they make many of us car sick. Sanders favors providing free college nationally funded completely by a tax on “financial transactions”.  The only thing I really don’t like about Bernie is the more I really listen to him the less I have any idea of what he is talking about.

Hilary Clinton Yup, another political science major. She is attacked by all sides for actions as wife of president Bill Clinton, candidate opposing President Obama and U.S. Secretary of State. Fundamentally her problems are both common to all candidates (she lies) and very unique (she actually has experience). She has changed her mind on significant issues. And of course those who don’t like her seem to really hate her, a trait she shares with our current president.

So there ya go. Only nine candidates are included here. The GOP guy who would be my choice is Lindsey Graham. He is nowhere, having been bounced from the debates altogether. He might simply not be silly enough for this road show. The good news is there are plenty to choose from. The bad news is there isn’t much to choose from.


Jeb Bush

Has a healthcare plan that would repeal Obamacare and replace it with new health insurance tax credits.

Ben Carson

“worst thing … since slavery.”

Chris Christie

“”the national teachers union” deserves a punch in the face in an August 2015 interview.

Ted Cruz

Cruz was born in Canada, but he was born to an American mother, so he is eligible for the presidency.

Can’t Choose Without a Program

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